I have to start off by telling you two things. First, have I ever mentioned how much of a hopeless romantic I am? Maybe in other letters I have but this could be your first one so that’s really the only thing crucial to my identity you need to know when it comes to understanding me.
Second, the last two weeks of life have been utter chaos. On the surface things are fine. Yes, work is hectic — it’s part of life. Sure, sometimes there are weeks that feel like everything is crammed into one day. Of course there are times when you don’t get to socialize as much as you’d like. Those are normal and usually very constant if it’s not summertime. But, no this time around it was the “over-worked, over-stressed, can’t sleep at night because I know there are forty thousand things to do tomorrow, not eating enough, eating too much, questioning my mood” kinda thing. Ya ever been there? If you have you know that oddly enough stamina is high but morale is low. You know that there is no time for a nap or to cry but then that one moment just happens and you break and every day after that you cry. Yeah, THAT.
The whole time I never wanted someone to fix my problems or ease my workload. Everything I was doing was enjoyable and what I love but it was that total emptiness that shot my spirit down the drain. The give and give and give and not receive anything in return is real. Human beings are not made to give to the point of exhaustion. More than anything else there needs to be a great overflow of love that outweighs (and inspires) the giving. It was like my body was driving on a gas tank almost empty and thinking, “nah, I can make it another 40 minutes without needing gas!” Lolol.
If you chose to read this letter I am assuming you need love. Maybe you need to be listened to, seen, or heard. Maybe you’ve been holding in some crazy thoughts and need to explode. Maybe the ache of loneliness is getting to much to carry. Maybe you also overwork yourself and have been in a frustrated state of mind. Love carries all forms of desire and necessity but one thing is sure – the desire for it never runs out. I think a lot of humans stop admitting they need it because it is hard to come by, but please know the worst thing you could ever tell yourself is that you don’t need it.
In the past two weeks I was not convincing myself I didn’t need love, but I certainly wasn’t taking adequate time to be loved either. When Thanksgiving rolled around it was a perfect opportunity to relax, sit on the couch with a beverage of choice, and watch movies all day. I knew I struck gold. Retreating myself and thanking the Lord for His generosity was the remedy I thought I needed. For the 24 hours that Thanksgiving was it totally worked, but it did not satisfy since nothing was pouring into me. I was content with the R & R until I woke up the next morning to a [new] car that decided she didn’t want to start and had to be taken to the service shop.
As tears gently rolled out of my eye balls and down my cheeks (and froze on me since I was outside) I asked God one simple request,
“Father, I need you to love me right now before I explode.”
I didn’t ask God to fix my problems. I didn’t want God to magically fix my car. I didn’t blame God for my car not working (cause that’s ludicrous). I just wanted to be held and loved.
Nothing I went through in the last two weeks was a shocking reality. In fact, it is reality for us while we journey through life waiting for Heaven. But God knew that and didn’t give up on us saying, “well, it be like that sometimes, sucks for you!”
Nope. That is precisely why Jesus came to save. To be the Savior, the Hero, the Cure our hearts so desperately needed. It is His will, His desire to rescue my heart from falling into despair, numbness, hurt, and injustices (and your heart, too!) Jesus doesn’t care about my car being broke, he cares about my heart being broke. In this love, this perfect love He has, He will do all that he can to renew me and heal me of the sin and error pining this world and affecting my life like a rotten disease that lingers amidst the air I breathe. I write this to tell you the same because I feel as though I would be doing you an injustice if I kept the world’s best secret from you.
Although, Jesus isn’t really a secret we just choose not to listen to His voice calling us.
For this mans whole life proved to us that His whose entire being embody’s love and peace by calling Himself a King and then living as a poor “criminal” who renounced His own throne to win our hearts. To this very day He spreads the reckless love in hearts rooted in faith like a fragrance (more like a wildfire) and we will keep acting foolish when we make the choice not to turn to Him in our distress. We are so quick to turn to anything else to satisfy us in the moment (even the satisfaction of doing more work) that we never gift ourselves the choice of making time to sit and let our soul feel the worth it longs to feel in the heart of a perfect lover.
Trust me when I tell you Jesus will let your soul feel its worth the way no one else does. It was His entire purpose on Earth “to love people enough to free them from what enslaves so they could live in the perfect love of God.” -John Eldredge
Mightier than the waves and the sea is His love for you -Psalm 93:4
Jesus gave Himself a lot of peace and solitude to refresh Himself with the Father’s. The Father’s presence on His soul was fortifying and peaceful. His spirit is Love and being around that love is going to have those affects on us. If we filled our head, heart, soul, and mind with God’s love as much as we did other peoples Instagram stories our lives would certainly change!
God’s love is a protective force that dignifies us to the point of fighting for our happiness while we sit still. God calls us beloved when other people don’t even call us our own name. God calls us lovely when other people only see our distress. God calls us His child when other people fail to even look at us. God calls us to take shelter in His arms when the world attacks us via work, home life, relationship struggles, and more. And if God is love and love never fails then God will never fail us. The only thing we need to remember is to ask for it — something I forgot to do in the midst of all my chaos.
God believes in me. He knows I can handle a car that won’t start (one that was fixed in a matter of hours) and a workload that is too much, but He surely doesn’t want me to run out of His love to perform them. He is a lover who consistently grows in love with us the way we long for it. I started this letter telling you two things about me but now I pray that reading this letter it inspires you to know two things;
- God believes in you
- God wants to love you with the love you deserve.
As Christmas approaches I am inspired to, like always, make a list of things I want. Some things I want are not even physical things. Sure I would love some gift cards but I would also love to take time everyday soaking in His love and growing with Him in my own laments, discomfort, and growth. I would also love clarity on a few minor circumstances. I would also love to get more people in the arms of God’s comforting love. Nevertheless, He is worth spending time with until those things become realities.
God is a lover who walks with you not against you. He will be your source of strength and your motivation to keep going because it is love that inspires us, not anything else. He will fill the empty parts of your heart that feel the hardships of life the most; the ache of wanting companionship, the ache of wanted to be pursued and cherished, the ache of loneliness, healing from the hurts of others, having a heart that is put back together and not broken, and much more.
Here’s the reality check I need everyday. Yes, take time to relax and restore your energy. Great! Do not forget, though, to let the strong arms of your Father hold you, love you, and heal you. When that love is absent I am nothing but a loner wandering in the desert so unfulfilled.
We already received the greatest gift we could ever want and that is Jesus. It is Him. He is the greatest gift anyone could yearn for. It is through Him that our hearts breathe again. It is He who heals what is broken. It is His law of love that fills us, heals us, and makes us incredible lovers if we follow it. It is He who restores what broke in you. It is He who makes your soul feel its worth. It is He who left a chasm of the most amazing mystery of love in our world, but it is us who run around like chickens with our head cut off to find it somewhere else. It is Jesus who says, “I long to be gracious to you” but it is our selfishness that makes us run away. There is nothing He can’t fix. More than that, there is absolutely nothing you could say that makes Him afraid of you.
Stop running away. Go pray to Him. It’s good for your soul. Get that lovin’ you deserve.
Don’t be a coward; take learning advice from these toddlers here