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A young Catholic’s insights on a deeper, more virtuous life.

“The only people who are never bored are lovers.” 

Sup fellas,

I’m a young girls in her twenties who is a part of this universal game called, “dating.” Ever play? I’m sure you have. It’s a fun, crazy, lonely, and exhausting time and totally worth every emotion. I find out a lot about myself and what I want in a relationship, and I hope the same is true for you. One profound lesson I have learned is that I feel so unloved, so under cherished, hurt, and emotionally distant from guys who have long history’s of filling their head and heart with any type of sexually explicit entertainment. 

I don’t care if it’s a picture or a video, the sneaky and private Instagram and Twitter accounts you follow, the apps you use, and even the secret stash of pictures you get from your lady-acquaintances,  I hate all of it. Whatever it is you spend your free time looking at, it has a direct affect on your ability to love. I’m not really here to tell you the science behind it, or the reasons its a grave sin (although you should look into it cause it’s real) I’m here to talk on behalf of a lot of women. We just feel so hurt at this small decision you call “innocent” and “harmless.”  My hopes are that the sentiments of a woman will talk some sense into you.

For starters, I have no idea who will open this and read it, but I wrote this because I strive to be an authentic lover. As a lover, I need to root out the false loves.  I need to be blunt and bold.

Guys, It’s going to be a very demoralizing moment for you when you meet the most insanely passionate and most beautiful woman of your dreams who is full of love, and zeal for life. Who is dignified with purity, wisdom, strength, who cherishes your good heart, who opens your heart to all things GOOD. It’ll be demoralizing because you do not deserve to have her. Sorry. She will have affection and compassion that no screen will ever give you in return.

I’ve talked to countless women in their twenties, and even women who are married who have told me that when they find half-naked pictures of women on their man’s phone, or even their bedroom wall, the rage, anger, sadness, and pit in their stomach is so gut-wrenchingly painful (I have felt this too) that they have nothing to say or do but cry. Crying because they wish you gave them the kind of mental energy you gave those searches and pursuits. Crying because they hope that if you do it out of loneliness, you would take time to talk to her (or literally anyone else) instead. Crying because other women actually settle their dignity to do stuff like that. Crying because the man SHE CHOSE ABOVE EVERYONE ELSE is choosing to adore OTHER women in his free time… on a SCREEN. Crying because they feel like they got hit by a bus when they see this. I for one would rather get hit by a bus than see what kind of pictures my man looks at in his free time.

Secondly, do not play the “well if a girl decides to do this kind of ‘work’ it’s her fault not mine” card. The dignity of a man rests upon the mans ability to dignify a woman. A woman’s body IS one of the most gloriously captivating pieces of artwork this world has to offer, but anything gloriously captivating is to be cherished, cared for, and respected. There’s a lot to be said about a man who takes advantage of women who have no respect for themselves.

Women lose your trust here. They lose the belief that they are good, and beautiful because they believe you think someone else is better, more lovable, and prettier.

Think of the great women in your life. Your mother, me (if you know me), your sister, your best girl friend, your little cousin, Mary the Blessed MOTHER. How would you feel if you knew thousands of lonely and crazy men were lusting over these women you care about. How would you respond to the guy who eyes her up like a steak? The women you lust over are someones sister, daughter, and friend. Someone who wants real friendship and has hurts and wounds. God’s daughter. Someone’s future wife.

If you’re still reading this, I need you to take up this challenge. I need you to be heroic and stop the madness.  I need you to know that sexual temptation will never go away in this life. It will taunt you for the rest of your life. Be better than it by making small decisions every day. There is no shame in facing the temptation… the shame comes when you betray your conscience, your good and loving heart.

After expressing this hurt to a male friend of mine he laughed at me and said, “you realize you will never meet and marry a guy who hasn’t looked at porn, right?” I replied, “oh believe me, I know. But the difference is this; I’d rather be with a guy who is heroic enough to acknowledges that he CAN fall into that than to be with one like you who seems to accept this behavior as normal and give in everytime like a weakling.”

It is your mission as a man to be the knight and shining armor your [future] wife needs. I challenge you to make your girlfriend or wife feel as if she is the ONLY woman in the world. That is she good, cherished, beautiful, seen, heard, noticed, and loved.

When you meet a woman who shows you that love is true and real it’ll create a respite in you from every ounce of darkness and death you fear or experience. All of your cowardice and lust comes from the fact that you don’t know real love or how to love well (which are essentially the same thing).

When a man who is true to his emotion, true to himself and his identity, and even more so, true to his relationship with God and is brave and revolts against the norm only THEN will he be able to make love with sufficient passion. He will push all temptations out of his mind because he knows he will be sharing his body and his HEART with a great woman. Unlike those pictures that cant share or unite anything deeply personal. Real love and the presence of beautiful relationship never fades away…pictures do.

A true and brave man will know that he fights this for the sake of experiencing, with his woman, the feeling as if they are the only two people on this Earth and in that moment together he will conquer what most lesser men have ever conquered before; a great woman’s heart… the most vulnerable thing she could ever offer to another person. 

Death no longer will linger in your mind. Fear and loneliness no longer cloud your heart, you will be able to have romance without regret. Passion for living and loving become your sole reality.

This is no easy task for it takes insurmountable courage. It takes the grace of God and the power of the resurrection. And it’s real and God’s waiting for you to taste the love you deserve. So remember this, God wills that the moment you are making love with a woman of true greatness, whom you call your wife, you will feel immortal. But you may not be able to understand it if all the porn gets in the way.

Love,
Women everywhere who want a brave and heroic man 

For more info and healing just read or watch anything written by Matt Fradd and Fight The New Drug  

*content dirived from quotes from Midnight in Paris*  

 

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